I didn't shave. On purpose
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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