we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
