he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
