Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
