I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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