I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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