Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
