Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Too much gin, very little bucket
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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