i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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