Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
