This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
