Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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