my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
