i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
