help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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