I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
