I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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