Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector