What should our trivia night team be named?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.