My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious