I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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