we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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