Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
