I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
