Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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