I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
