Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
