Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
