Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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