I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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