If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
