he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
