How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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