i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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