Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
