I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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