She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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