I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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