Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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