come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
