First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
