These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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