Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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