I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
