Pappa wants mamma naked
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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