I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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