There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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