I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
