I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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