I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
