I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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