hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
