his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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