Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
