I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
