I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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