the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
