She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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