I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
