Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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